Yesterday I took Camilla and big brother Mark to the playground what’s the big deal you may say kids go to the playground all the time but let me explain a little bit why may be different for us. As I enter the play area I could sense exactly which child would come up to us and ask about Camilla’s arm.
Call it my mommy radar (With so many questions my mommy radar is always alert) but since Camilla was born going out in public is not just another day at the playground. I can defitenely say 100% that somebody will say something more than once in one day. I’ve learned and I’m still learning how to respond to rude people (adults) and kids. Kids are curious and are not rude intentionally but what always hurt me was the way an adult would be rude .For example when Camilla was younger an adult asked me: What’s wrong with her? Can she do normal things? My response was nothing (What I really wanted to say was nothing what’s wrong with you?) but I didn’t I was just polite as always and moved on focusing on my beautiful daughter. As time have passed and kids and adults have asked I try in the beginning to explain with the most logical response, she was born that way is called amniotic band syndrome and it happens when the baby is developing and the amniotic band which is around the baby grabs her arm or any part of her body and it stops the blood circulation. Wow can you believe I would say all that to a complete stranger? I stopped explaining to stranger’s because when people asked me I thought they were genuine and concerned but then I saw in their faces that they were not even listening to me so I stopped also a friend told me you don’t have to explain NOTHING to anyone especially to a STRANGER. Which is true in the beginning I felt that I had to explain myself to people because I didn’t do anything wrong (I was asked once if I took any medication or drugs) Yes I was shocked by that question I never took anything to harm my daughter nor is something that is generic. But even thought I didn’t do drugs or was something genetic I would think OK they will think I did something so I should say something. This is funny now that I would explain all that to people that probably I would never see it again. So I had to come to terms that people will judge me or our family and I just let it go.
In the beginning was very hard I had stages of feelings first I had sadness, mad, grieving and then acceptance. I will explain what I meant and trust me to be in the acceptance stage wasn’t easy at first but Camilla’s happy personally have helped more than she can ever imagine.
When she was born we didn’t know she was missing a left hand bellow the elbow the doctor only saw after and then of course after you see so many doctors coming in and out of your room and you still don’t know what’s happening is a scary situation so when I first saw her I cried (sadness) I was sad because here I have this precious child and I’m thinking how she will ride a bicycle and tie her shoes? Please note she was 5 min. old and I’m thinking 5 years old? Then I was mad why they didn’t see at the ultrasound? Then I had the grieving process because is like what the poem welcome to Holland say You prepared yourself for this beautiful trip to Italy but then you ended up in Holland. So you grieve of all the could have been and how wonderful things could have gone if you were in Italy but then you start to see that Holland is beautiful in a different way and you started to like Holland. So I grieve for a daughter that I imagine I was going to have an now I was lost not exactly sure what to do but I loved her so much and I had faith that if God send me her he must knew what he was doing .When I was holding Camilla for the first time her eyes were really peaceful and open like she was ready for this world and I felt a voice telling me why are you crying? Don’t you know I’m going to be OK?
So from that moment I said yes we are going to be OK. I’m not going to tell you are easy when I hear things like EWW that’s discussing, or she reminds me of a mutant. So back to that boy that asked yesterday how she lost her arm? I told him she didn’t lose her arm she was born that way. And she went on and played. With time I have thought about how can I change my answer? For example one time somebody asked if it was a car accident I almost said no it was a shark when she was surfing (Since we live in HI) but she was two at the time so I wonder if the person would think I’m weird? I also made a t-shirt for Camilla that says 10 fingers are overrated. It was a success in the daycare for sure.
With time and the help with online support groups it gets easier day by day so everyday can be like any other day to the playground.
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